Self-Indulgent Procrastination ("Indulgent" being the word of the day)

It's a beautiful gray, rainy day -- the kind of day where the sun is right behind the film of clouds, casting raindrops as diamonds as they ping against the window. One of those days that has Lindsey extemporizing about weather.

<-- My view, for your reference.

I had a disturbing dream last night. Disturbing in that "more real than real life" tone that some dreams adopt for the sole purpose of lingering on the inside of my skull. If you will allow a little self-indulgent relating:

I was in Washington, D.C. -- with it's great theater and energy, it's a city I would love to live in one day. I ran into an imaginary person, but it was understood that we had made friends via blogging and I was staying with her for a week. While standing randomly in a dark alley at night, she introduces me to her friend -- an actor that used to attend OU and who, I'm quite sure, represents the entire concept of acting and theater to my simplistic subconscious (he has a history of parading through my dreams). Well, the crux of the dream is that he asks me to stay in Washington, suggesting that I abandon my travel plans for now and immerse myself in the theater world. For some reason, it was a really good opportunity. But -- and here's the disturbing part -- I didn't know what to do. In this dream of mine, I just wanted to stay at home with my family in Cincinnati and stick to my travel plans. And then I was paralyzed with this fear that I was inflexible and missing a good opportunity.

It's not an impressively funky or terrifying dream, but I think it brought real fears to the forefront of my mind. We are all creatures of comfort, but in the dream, it was time for me to make a leap and I was unable to do so. With graduation comes a "brazillion" opportunities and even though exploring this world is indisputably compelling, I think I'm afraid it's motivated from a laziness of sorts. Maybe laziness isn't the correct word -- indulgence, perhaps? Or maybe it really just is graduation-induced fear: the world beyond! The great unknown! The future ... reality ... etc.

Or maybe I'm just conflicted about my decision to move back in with my parents for a bit. I certainly never thought that would happen, but it's the quickest way to raise money for my extravagant plans -- AND they just bought a bigger house. I'm also worried that if I move somewhere awesome (like Cali or Chicago with Laurel), that i'll never raise the money and just get stuck in Grand-Plans-Land.