Once again, I missed the springing. I opened my eyes one morning and the world was green again; lush and alive. Satisfying enough to make me rhapsodize, and put flowers in my hair (actually, that would be Filippo putting flowers in my hair...as well as grass and all kinds of insect).
Days like these deserve note. Italian teenagers recognize the season with public displays of affection and I do so with words in a blog. Even the air is pregnant with with new life. Heavy with the fragrance of blooms, buzzing with lusty bugs.
The lawn outside the house is lush, if small (which I like - it's silly how much time and money is invested on "yards"). The grass is speckled with white flowers, named appropriately after a woman who inspired the name for the Marguirita. Also, little blue flowers that you have to look for (whcih Filippo and I did). Even the dandilions look pretty. It begs to be rolled in.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Expression is not Art.
.
I am of solid material
Tangible
Flexible Expandable
I have mass and ENERGY
Potential potential potential...
I require MOVEMENT!
Every particle moves around me
Teasing me
Relentlessly
What is life without MOVEMENT?
I am bound
Earth-ridden
Life within Lifelessness
I need ACTION
I DANCE in the realm of thought
I must fill my space
Fill out my immediate
Space Destiny
I have dreams
Dreams of MOVEMENT
.
I am of solid material
Tangible
Flexible Expandable
I have mass and ENERGY
Potential potential potential...
I require MOVEMENT!
Every particle moves around me
Teasing me
Relentlessly
What is life without MOVEMENT?
I am bound
Earth-ridden
Life within Lifelessness
I need ACTION
I DANCE in the realm of thought
I must fill my space
Fill out my immediate
Space Destiny
I have dreams
Dreams of MOVEMENT
.
For your analyzation (because that's what I'm paying you for):
I'd say it's been going on for about a month. Well, maybe to write "going on" is incorrect; I've been in this state for about a month. Without my conscious knowledge, I shed the need for romance in my entertainment. Usually I'm disappointed with a movie or book if it doesn't have a healthy romance entwined somewhere into the plot or subplot. [Note: I'm not talking bodice-rippers -- those aren't quite within my literary scope.] In fact, I've been known to reject books or movies that wouldn't satisfy that particular preference, fulfill that particular need. (And why not!? I can like what I want and read what I want!).
"Why is this?" you wonder. Well, I've self-analyzed myself thoroughly on this account. After all, I'm no girly-girl or even romantic. But then I realized that I didn't have these personal requirements when I was romantically involved with someone. That, then, must be the key. Fruedian psycho-analysis aside, it might be that I find romance in my life through different means at different times ; when it's not in my life, I find it in my means of escape (my non-life). However, such ruminations are not conclusive, as I don't read or watch movies nearly as often when I'm with someone anyway.
But wait!! I'm not romantically involved with anyone, yet I find that I have no desire to read or watch shows about love, romance, or anything pertaining to compulsory relationships. I have even avoided blatantly romantic literature! (Explain that one, Freud). I have a couple theories:
Theory the First: Now that I've experienced a mostly healthy and "normal" dating relationship, I've taken a more realistic viewpoint on love (and all it entails), and now -- whether just in the wake of said relationship or forevermore -- I don't require romance to be a constant part of my life.
Criticisms of Theory the First: It's horribly mundane and lifeless for a mindset. "Realistic viewpoint on love?" Did I really write that? I mean, I'm not a hopeless romantic (when it comes to romance), but I do appreciate the magic of relationships.
Theory Seconde: Having just faded out of an optimistic relationship, I'm a little burnt out. I tried really hard and put too much energy into nothing and now need a break from the whole thing. Eventually, I'll be right back to my romance-consuming-self.
Crit of Theory Seconde: I feel fine. I certainly am not acting differently: flirty, outrageous. However, I also feel bound up inside. I feel like an extremely effective emotion-invoking peice of media would break all that up. I guess I feel a little numb. I'd hate to think that this is a result of my previous relationship with J.
When it comes down to it, I'm really enjoying this freedom from romance -- from my need for it in my entertainment. I'm enjoying all kinds of books that I wouldn't usually pick up (I'm happily reading Hard Times by Dickens and a graphic novel about the Constitution). I enjoy feeling not-girly and grounded. Damn my need to understand myself. I think I might be a bit happier -- in this particular circumstance -- if I didn't feel the need.
"Why is this?" you wonder. Well, I've self-analyzed myself thoroughly on this account. After all, I'm no girly-girl or even romantic. But then I realized that I didn't have these personal requirements when I was romantically involved with someone. That, then, must be the key. Fruedian psycho-analysis aside, it might be that I find romance in my life through different means at different times ; when it's not in my life, I find it in my means of escape (my non-life). However, such ruminations are not conclusive, as I don't read or watch movies nearly as often when I'm with someone anyway.
But wait!! I'm not romantically involved with anyone, yet I find that I have no desire to read or watch shows about love, romance, or anything pertaining to compulsory relationships. I have even avoided blatantly romantic literature! (Explain that one, Freud). I have a couple theories:
Theory the First: Now that I've experienced a mostly healthy and "normal" dating relationship, I've taken a more realistic viewpoint on love (and all it entails), and now -- whether just in the wake of said relationship or forevermore -- I don't require romance to be a constant part of my life.
Criticisms of Theory the First: It's horribly mundane and lifeless for a mindset. "Realistic viewpoint on love?" Did I really write that? I mean, I'm not a hopeless romantic (when it comes to romance), but I do appreciate the magic of relationships.
Theory Seconde: Having just faded out of an optimistic relationship, I'm a little burnt out. I tried really hard and put too much energy into nothing and now need a break from the whole thing. Eventually, I'll be right back to my romance-consuming-self.
Crit of Theory Seconde: I feel fine. I certainly am not acting differently: flirty, outrageous. However, I also feel bound up inside. I feel like an extremely effective emotion-invoking peice of media would break all that up. I guess I feel a little numb. I'd hate to think that this is a result of my previous relationship with J.
When it comes down to it, I'm really enjoying this freedom from romance -- from my need for it in my entertainment. I'm enjoying all kinds of books that I wouldn't usually pick up (I'm happily reading Hard Times by Dickens and a graphic novel about the Constitution). I enjoy feeling not-girly and grounded. Damn my need to understand myself. I think I might be a bit happier -- in this particular circumstance -- if I didn't feel the need.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Looking at the Rabbit Hole
You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.- Jack London
Unsurprisingly, when I temporarily move to Italy -- like many of my adventuring compatriots -- I plan on blogging like a fiend, both for the purpose of preserving my trip and sharing it with others. However, if my ability to keep up a blog in what most certainly can be described as "downtime," I'm not sure how successful my fantasies of a consistently updated blog will prove. Then again, I'll actually have a lot to say ... the perks of living an interesting life.
I've noticed my view on Italy has warped. In college, I ached with the desire to travel and explore the world, most specifically Europe. My final year of college, I planned to attend grad school, but I painfully and expensively figured out that such a course was not what I really wanted. (Curse you, URTAs). Italy was next on the agenda. And I was excited -- excited to have a plan, excited to live out a dream. It's been almost exactly 7 months since I've graduated, and Italy has quickly warped into an escape -- from my underachiever lifestyle, from an adult career, from commitment. So I wonder: now that living in Italy isn't fulfilling a dream-role in my life, will actually living there be a different or lesser experience? When you are running from something, how much does the place you've run to matter?
To some degree, my going has also become a metaphoric flipping-the-bird to all those cynics who've challenged my plans with "that's what I always said I'd do, too." I'm hoping that this indifference is only a result of the 7 months of mediocrity. I'm hoping that when my plans solidify, all of my enthusiasm will reappear. In the end, none of it matters though. I'm going. And all these questions and more will be addressed in upcoming blogs! Stay tuned.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Pointless
IN 2008...
Did you get a bf/gf?
Yup, towards the end of '08.
Did you make a new friend?
A ton. I met some amazing people my last quarter of OU and at Uno's.
Did you go to a funeral or wedding?
Shannon Power's wedding...it was awesome.
Got drunk?
Yes. I go out for a beverage more now that I did at OU ... irony?
Lost your voice?
I don't recall. But probably not as I was not involved in a musical, choral, or sporting event this year.
Had cops arrest you?
Nope. I evaded them.
Had someone tell you that they liked/loved you?
Yes. More so this year than years past.
How has '08 been so far?
Great, and then bleh, and then awesome, and then ok.
How old do you want to be when you die?
Old enough to see the effect I've had on the world.
Held hands with anyone lately?
Yes.
Where will you be two hours from now?
Shopping for post-Christmas presents. Hanging out with Laurel.
Who slept in your bed with you last?
Hmm, my bed is a twin and resides in my parents house, so probably Laurel.
What were you doing at 9 am?
Sleeping happily.
Think of the last person you told "i love you" to, did you mean it?
As I was leaving the house a couple days ago, I threw it at my family.
This time last year, can you remember who you liked?
I don't think I liked anyone in particular at this time last year. Of course, I had my consistent college crushes.
Two days from now this time, where will you be?
Cincinnati, barring some awesome, impulsive adventure! Either way, I'll be somewhere in next year (Ciao 2008!).
Is anything annoying you right now?
Yes: my unsettled stomach, lack of energy, and man-situation.
Do you think anyone has feelings for you?
I certainly hope so.
Have you ever ridden a horse?
Yes. I look forward to riding one in the near future (yay Sama)!
Seen an attractive person today?
Have you seen my family? Yeah, I pretty much win.
Last time you wanted to punch someone in the face?
Man, when don't I want to punch someone in the face? I feel like that has to be one of the most satisfying acts, a good punch in the face.
Are you anything like you were at this point last year?
Very similar, but certainly different. I thought I knew what I wanted last year (grad school), whereas now I've accepted that I have a bit of exploring to do. Also, I have a much healthier self-image now.
Have you lost contact with someone you wish you didn't?
Actually, I think I've stayed in contact with the important ones. Maybe not as good of contact as I'd prefer, but still in contact.
Who are your favorite people to talk to when your down?
Charlotte will always always make me smile, and Sean has a way of making you feel warm and fuzzy no matter what. Laurel makes me feel better just because I know she'll always be around no matter what.
Do you wish things were different with a certain girl/guy?
Yes, and I'm working on it with little hope (just enough to keep me hanging on).
Are you good at hiding your feelings?
Yes, but I do my best to not. (What does that accomplish?)
Do you hate being alone?
Sometimes.
Would u prefer to be single or in a relationship?
Well gee golly, that depends. If approached by one whom I would like to be in a relationship with, then in a relationship.
Are you in a relationship?
I don't think so, but maybe.
Do you like anyone at the moment?
Unfortunately.
Do you miss anybody?
Charlotte! In France! And Sean! In Oregon! And Laurel! Down the street! Come over and watch Firefly with me!
What would you do if 4 girls/boys liked you at the same time?
Flirt, but if I actually wanted to pursue someone, I would make it clear to the others.
Who is the 1st person to know when something is wrong?
Laurel.
Do you hate when people smoke around you?
Yes.
What color shirt are you wearing?
Orange
Will this weekend be a good one?
It's anyone's call. I work all weekend, which could be great since I love my coworkers.
What do you want right now?
To get moving! I want adventure in the great, wide somewhere!
What's the best thing that happened to you in 2008?
Sean, Charlotte, Laurel
Did you get a bf/gf?
Yup, towards the end of '08.
Did you make a new friend?
A ton. I met some amazing people my last quarter of OU and at Uno's.
Did you go to a funeral or wedding?
Shannon Power's wedding...it was awesome.
Got drunk?
Yes. I go out for a beverage more now that I did at OU ... irony?
Lost your voice?
I don't recall. But probably not as I was not involved in a musical, choral, or sporting event this year.
Had cops arrest you?
Nope. I evaded them.
Had someone tell you that they liked/loved you?
Yes. More so this year than years past.
How has '08 been so far?
Great, and then bleh, and then awesome, and then ok.
How old do you want to be when you die?
Old enough to see the effect I've had on the world.
Held hands with anyone lately?
Yes.
Where will you be two hours from now?
Shopping for post-Christmas presents. Hanging out with Laurel.
Who slept in your bed with you last?
Hmm, my bed is a twin and resides in my parents house, so probably Laurel.
What were you doing at 9 am?
Sleeping happily.
Think of the last person you told "i love you" to, did you mean it?
As I was leaving the house a couple days ago, I threw it at my family.
This time last year, can you remember who you liked?
I don't think I liked anyone in particular at this time last year. Of course, I had my consistent college crushes.
Two days from now this time, where will you be?
Cincinnati, barring some awesome, impulsive adventure! Either way, I'll be somewhere in next year (Ciao 2008!).
Is anything annoying you right now?
Yes: my unsettled stomach, lack of energy, and man-situation.
Do you think anyone has feelings for you?
I certainly hope so.
Have you ever ridden a horse?
Yes. I look forward to riding one in the near future (yay Sama)!
Seen an attractive person today?
Have you seen my family? Yeah, I pretty much win.
Last time you wanted to punch someone in the face?
Man, when don't I want to punch someone in the face? I feel like that has to be one of the most satisfying acts, a good punch in the face.
Are you anything like you were at this point last year?
Very similar, but certainly different. I thought I knew what I wanted last year (grad school), whereas now I've accepted that I have a bit of exploring to do. Also, I have a much healthier self-image now.
Have you lost contact with someone you wish you didn't?
Actually, I think I've stayed in contact with the important ones. Maybe not as good of contact as I'd prefer, but still in contact.
Who are your favorite people to talk to when your down?
Charlotte will always always make me smile, and Sean has a way of making you feel warm and fuzzy no matter what. Laurel makes me feel better just because I know she'll always be around no matter what.
Do you wish things were different with a certain girl/guy?
Yes, and I'm working on it with little hope (just enough to keep me hanging on).
Are you good at hiding your feelings?
Yes, but I do my best to not. (What does that accomplish?)
Do you hate being alone?
Sometimes.
Would u prefer to be single or in a relationship?
Well gee golly, that depends. If approached by one whom I would like to be in a relationship with, then in a relationship.
Are you in a relationship?
I don't think so, but maybe.
Do you like anyone at the moment?
Unfortunately.
Do you miss anybody?
Charlotte! In France! And Sean! In Oregon! And Laurel! Down the street! Come over and watch Firefly with me!
What would you do if 4 girls/boys liked you at the same time?
Flirt, but if I actually wanted to pursue someone, I would make it clear to the others.
Who is the 1st person to know when something is wrong?
Laurel.
Do you hate when people smoke around you?
Yes.
What color shirt are you wearing?
Orange
Will this weekend be a good one?
It's anyone's call. I work all weekend, which could be great since I love my coworkers.
What do you want right now?
To get moving! I want adventure in the great, wide somewhere!
What's the best thing that happened to you in 2008?
Sean, Charlotte, Laurel
Saturday, December 27, 2008
My Adventures into Mediocrity
OMG, what has this girl been up to?, I'm sure you wonder.Well, the answer to that is "nothing much" and "a bunch" all at the same time. My life remains pretty basic: working at Uno's, hanging around with the Uno's crowd, saving up some money for my invasion of Italy (they're never going to see it coming). But I'm keeping things interesting: I went to visit Laurel in Chicago earlier this month and I'm planning a trip to Portland to visit Sean. So that's my story.
Christmas was nice this year -- I enjoyed the family time (and the food). Santa brought me a luxurious faux-down pillow, an electric toothbrush, a bellydancing hip-scarf, and socks! Gotta love that fat old man. I'm also enjoying my bff Laurel being home. We've gone out, we've stayed in ... it's always more fun when the LMFs are together. But I'm pretty blessed overall -- I have wonderful friends. (You know who you are).
It's been so long since I've updated that to be more specific would be silly. Fortunately, I don't have anything else to report, so no one is missing out.
And I'm out.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Numero Uno at Uno
Well, I'm a working girl now. I'm gainfully employed at Uno's. So, not quite in my field, but close. (Public Relations + Acting = food service qualified).
This summer has been something else. As in, something other than fun or productive. I'm beginning to have a social life again, which is great, and I'm getting out of the house to work (and make money so I can permanently get out of the house).
I guess that's all I have to report. The highlights of my life outside of my Cinci friends are books -- when I've got a good book, life is good. What have I read, you ask? Well ... I don't really remember. A lot. I know some Harry Potter slipped in there, as well as the Twilight series (the new book comes out on Saturday! *girlie giggles*).
And that's it. Books and period movies.
This summer has been something else. As in, something other than fun or productive. I'm beginning to have a social life again, which is great, and I'm getting out of the house to work (and make money so I can permanently get out of the house).
I guess that's all I have to report. The highlights of my life outside of my Cinci friends are books -- when I've got a good book, life is good. What have I read, you ask? Well ... I don't really remember. A lot. I know some Harry Potter slipped in there, as well as the Twilight series (the new book comes out on Saturday! *girlie giggles*).
And that's it. Books and period movies.
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