Tuesday, January 20, 2009

For your analyzation (because that's what I'm paying you for):

I'd say it's been going on for about a month. Well, maybe to write "going on" is incorrect; I've been in this state for about a month. Without my conscious knowledge, I shed the need for romance in my entertainment. Usually I'm disappointed with a movie or book if it doesn't have a healthy romance entwined somewhere into the plot or subplot. [Note: I'm not talking bodice-rippers -- those aren't quite within my literary scope.] In fact, I've been known to reject books or movies that wouldn't satisfy that particular preference, fulfill that particular need. (And why not!? I can like what I want and read what I want!).

"Why is this?" you wonder. Well, I've self-analyzed myself thoroughly on this account. After all, I'm no girly-girl or even romantic. But then I realized that I didn't have these personal requirements when I was romantically involved with someone. That, then, must be the key. Fruedian psycho-analysis aside, it might be that I find romance in my life through different means at different times ; when it's not in my life, I find it in my means of escape (my non-life). However, such ruminations are not conclusive, as I don't read or watch movies nearly as often when I'm with someone anyway.

But wait!! I'm not romantically involved with anyone, yet I find that I have no desire to read or watch shows about love, romance, or anything pertaining to compulsory relationships. I have even avoided blatantly romantic literature! (Explain that one, Freud). I have a couple theories:
Theory the First: Now that I've experienced a mostly healthy and "normal" dating relationship, I've taken a more realistic viewpoint on love (and all it entails), and now -- whether just in the wake of said relationship or forevermore -- I don't require romance to be a constant part of my life.
Criticisms of Theory the First: It's horribly mundane and lifeless for a mindset. "Realistic viewpoint on love?" Did I really write that? I mean, I'm not a hopeless romantic (when it comes to romance), but I do appreciate the magic of relationships.
Theory Seconde: Having just faded out of an optimistic relationship, I'm a little burnt out. I tried really hard and put too much energy into nothing and now need a break from the whole thing. Eventually, I'll be right back to my romance-consuming-self.
Crit of Theory Seconde: I feel fine. I certainly am not acting differently: flirty, outrageous. However, I also feel bound up inside. I feel like an extremely effective emotion-invoking peice of media would break all that up. I guess I feel a little numb. I'd hate to think that this is a result of my previous relationship with J.

When it comes down to it, I'm really enjoying this freedom from romance -- from my need for it in my entertainment. I'm enjoying all kinds of books that I wouldn't usually pick up (I'm happily reading Hard Times by Dickens and a graphic novel about the Constitution). I enjoy feeling not-girly and grounded. Damn my need to understand myself. I think I might be a bit happier -- in this particular circumstance -- if I didn't feel the need.

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